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Don’t Expect Perfection

Don’t expect perfection- it sounds obvious since none of us are perfect people. We all have our faults and personality traits and things we could and should change. If we’re honest, we know we’re not perfect, but how often do we expect perfection from our spouse? To take an example. How often do they offer to do a job and we expect them to do it perfectly – which of course means exactly the way we would do it. More often that not, that won’t turn out to be the reality. Think about this example. Suppose your spouse volunteered to … Continue reading →

What Makes for a Happy, Lasting Marriage?

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What makes for a happy, lasting marriage? According to Edward and Ella Chapman who this week celebrated their 50th wedding anniversary, it is: ‘Love, respect and complete commitment to one another,’ Bev and Geoff Woodham who recently celebrated 40 years, say their secret to a long and loving marriage is ‘being great mates who share interests and enjoying life together.’ From my own point of view of over 40 years married, I’d say love, respect, and enjoying each other’s company come near the top of the list. Respect for the other person as they are without trying to change them … Continue reading →

Who Needs Affirmations and Encouraging More?

Do husbands need more reassurance, affirmation and encouragement than wives do? I’d be interested to hear what others think about this. Author and illustrator Graeme Base revealed in his interview on Talking Heads, how he was far more in need of praise and affirmations than his wife Robyn who is also a creative artist. His assessment of his wife was that she was much more independent and did not need to rely on input from him as much. He, on the other hand needed conformation from her about his work. It made me wonder if this is a personality difference … Continue reading →

When Your Spouse Doesn’t Listen

You often hear women joke that men have ‘selective hearing.’ But sometimes it is not a joke. Have you ever felt like that what you say to your spouse is not getting through to them? Whether it’s sex, work, household chores, friends and time spent with them, hobbies –the topic doesn’t matter particularly, if it’s a problem it needs to be talked about in a calm, reasonable manner that is non accusatory and blaming. But what if you’ve done that? Your spouse has appeared to be listening, made all the right noises, agreed things need to change and then…. Nothing … Continue reading →

Joy and Your Brain

I’ve just finished reading ‘This is Your Brain on Joy’ by Dr. Earl Henslin and found it fascinating reading. Although this book is about joy, it also provides a lot of help for marriage. Since I love quizzes, I was particularly interested in the Amen Brain System Checklist, which was created by Dr Daniel G. Amen. It’s not a quiz where you have right and wrong answers, so much as one which helps identify the dominant parts of the brain from the five areas mentioned, and gives an indication of certain type of brain activity and personality, for example those … Continue reading →

What’s on the Agenda?

One of the things that usually happens on weekend mornings is that one of us, either my husband or myself, will ask the other, “What’s on the agenda today?” This is a way of us checking with each other on what we would like to have accomplished over the weekend, when we are both home and usually not working. Since we have three kids, the agenda includes them, although right now because of their ages, they aren’t included in the actual decisions. Things on the agenda might be something simple such as buying apples, or fixing a leaky pipe, or … Continue reading →

How Does Your Temperament Impact on Your Marriage?

In a recent comment pastfirst said that cultural background can affect a marriage. So can your temperament. So can that of your spouse. If you are an optimist and he is a pessimist that will affect the way you look at situations. It may not necessarily be for the worst. Sometimes it is good to have that balance. I’m like Nellie out of ‘South Pacific,’ I’m the ‘cockeyed optimist’ in our marriage, which can lead to problems. Such a person is not careful that sometimes unrealistic and too optimistic expectations can lead to disappointment if things don’t turn out as … Continue reading →