Having a Sense of Yourself Will Help Your Marriage

by Mary Ann Romans | More from this Blogger

23 Feb 2009 10:47 AM

Before you can be a loving and giving partner to your spouse, you have to first be secure in yourself. Many times in a marriage, especially in a young marriage, one partner tends to drift away from who he she really is until this partner really doesn't have a clearly defined sense of himself or herself. This can be harmful to a marriage in many ways.

How do you identify yourself?

Many years ago, when women married they identified themselves mainly by their husband's name. Jane Doe, for example, would become known to even her old friends as Mrs John Smith. In essence, she would give up all of her personal identity in society. How do you identify yourself today when you introduce yourself? Are you some one's wife or husband or do you have your own identity? How can someone be expected to know you intimately, if you yourself don't know who you are?

Are you able to assert your own needs and wants?

If you find yourself going along with your partner just to avoid conflict then you may be setting yourself for trouble later. Not only may you grow to resent your spouse, but you will never be able to practice conflict resolution. And although they may say otherwise, I don't think anyone wants someone to agree with them 100 percent. It would get very boring.

Can you give your spouse breathing room?

If you don't see yourself as a person outside of your marriage, then chances are that you may not see your spouse that way, either. Can you give your spouse the breathing room to socialize away from you or have different interests? Having a healthy sense of yourself will make this easier because you won't feel the need to be everything in the world for your spouse. You know who you are. I love the theme of the movie City Slickers. The wife tells the Bill Crystal character to "Go find his smile," which he does with the help of his male buddies.

Mary Ann Romans writes about everything related to saving money in the Frugal Blog, creating a home in the Home Blog, caring for little ones in the Baby Blog and now relationships in the Marriage Blog. You can read more of her articles by clicking here.

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Learn more about Mary Ann Romans

Mary Ann Romans is a freelance writer, wife and mother of three children. She lives in Pennsylvania with her husband, the kids and a 16-pound cat.

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