Fighting About Money Doesn't Fix the Problem

by Heather Long | More from this Blogger

09 Jul 2007 09:58 AM

Money. Money. Money. It's the guilty party in most marriages when it comes to fighting with your spouse. Whether you talk about your finances, pool your resources or leave it to one spouse or the other to manage it - money is a huge bone in the midst of any relationship. If you're thinking that money is one of the leading causes of divorce, you'd be right.

So How Do You Deal With It?

Financial issues are the pink elephant in the middle of your marriage. But you have to recognize that fights about money aren't just about money. Those fights are about control, power and security. This is especially true when only one partner manages the money and the other partner spends in cheerful oblivion to the consequences.

Some couples will do this because one partner or the other doesn't want to deal with the finances. This puts enormous pressure on the managing partner. They are more likely to be irritable over any complaints their spouse has to offer whether it's legitimate or not. If the partner who doesn't manage the money has to ask their spouse about whether or not they can spend any money - then you find yourselves in a 'momma, may I situation.'

Momma, May I?

A marriage should never be about 'momma, may I?' When it becomes about asking for permission all the time, that partner will begin to resent it because their spouse is going to say no. Resentment can fester between a couple that has money in between them - no matter which side of the equation they fall on. The partner who has to ask will resent it. The partner who has to say no will resent it.

Truthfully, the only way to keep money from being the issue you are always fighting over is to make it the issue that you share, 100%. Fine, one partner is better with numbers, great - but don't leave everything in their hands. It's not fair. Talk about it; discuss where the money is going - stay on the same page - that way it's not about asking permission, it's about cooperating together because you are in the marriage and the financial situations - together.

Be sure to check out our Money blog for some great financial tips.

Learn more about Heather Long

Heather Long is 35 years old and currently lives in Wylie, Texas. She has been a freelance writer for six years. Her husband and she met while working together at America Online over ten years ago.

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