Search Results for: blog fight for your marriage

Lowering Expectations in a Marriage

There is a fine line between learning to lower your expectations in a marriage and when to fight for what’s “right.”  Keep in mind that what’s considered right is all about perspective. Your right might not be my right…just as your spouse’s right might not be your right. One of the ways I try to gauge my “rights” is by how critical the issue really is; not how important it should be or I would like it to be.  But looking at it in a realistic and selfless manner. That isn’t easy, believe me.  It requires stepping back from the … Continue reading →

Considering Your Spouse’s Point of View

The difference between knowing and really knowing, or feeling, something is amazing. I’m the first person to tell others that a key to any relationship, but especially a marriage, is trying to think from the other person’s point of view. It’s absolutely essential in a marriage, because we are spending the rest of our lives living with this person. The more we try to understand how our spouse thinks, the better off we’ll be. I know this, and yet it’s so hard for me to act on it. For example: once in a while my husband has to work the … Continue reading →

Fighting Against Jealousy

It’s easy to look around and find someone who appears to have it better than you. You see your friends getting married and having babies and wonder how you ended up with the short end of the stick. You may even be experiencing this within your own family. My little sister got married about six months after my divorce. It was hard to watch her starting her own little family when mine had just fallen apart. I often found myself feeling jealous of those around me. So many appeared to have a perfect family and I was struggling to be … Continue reading →

Arguing Your Way to Divorce?

Although infidelity is probably one of the biggest reasons for couples to divorce, I did a little research on some of the other causes. One thing I found (and was a little surprised about) is that arguing is another big reason for ending a marriage. So why am I surprised? Maybe it’s my own deluded thinking, but doesn’t every couple argue? Okay…I know, I know. Arguing once-in-a-while and every single day is very different. I will give you that. But arguing in itself doesn’t seem to be a good reason to divorce. The act of disagreeing, fighting or whatever else … Continue reading →

Fair Fighting

When my husband and I disagree on something, I don’t like to use the phrase, “We got into a fight.” That makes it sound like one of those knock-down, drag-out arguments that can quickly spiral out-of-control. Thankfully those days are long behind us. We are too mature—okay, maybe it’s really that we are too tired—as middle-aged adults to engage in that type of warfare. And I can’t even really call our disagreements “arguing” because that sounds like two people going at it verbally. We don’t even do that anymore. – Now we have what I call “discussions.” Oh sure, sometimes … Continue reading →

Handling Your Child’s Questions About Your Divorce

It’s bound to happen; sooner or later your kids are going to start asking questions about your divorce. It’s only natural. Even if they were very young when the event took place, they are going to have questions about why their family is different than their friend’s. As a parent, this can be scary. Their questions likely don’t have easy answers and it can be hard to decide how to approach such a sensitive topic with them. Remember to keep your answers appropriate for your child’s age and maturity. When they are younger a simple answer such as, “Mommy and … Continue reading →

Balancing Your Time

Childless couples face some different problems than couples with kids, but some of our issues are the same. One problem that I think any married couple has is spending time with one another. The specifics of the problem, however, vary whether or not children are in the equation. It’s well-known that finding time, period, when you have kids is a common conundrum. Finding time to do household chores, take a shower, spend time with your spouse, and still have some alone time can all be troublesome depending how many and what age children you have. Obviously Jon and I don’t … Continue reading →

Stop Hurting Your Children

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Why can’t we all just get along? Words made famous for a different battle but apply just as much to people after a divorce. Divorce is one of the worst things you can go through, for you and your children. Even worse though are the battles that often continue after the divorce is final. Every day I see people who have turned completely against their ex’s and are trying to drag their children with them. How is it fair to a child to talk negatively about their other parent. I’ve heard parents tell their children that their father doesn’t love … Continue reading →

Passion’s Place in A Marriage

Maybe I should stop expecting television to accurately portray life or romance, but I can’t help it. Media has a subtle yet powerful influence on our thinking, especially on younger folks, that just makes me want to address the issues it raises. Fox’s trendy new sitcom “New Girl,” starring Zooey Deschanel, just wrapped up its freshman season. In the last few episodes Deschanel’s character Jess breaks up with her boyfriend after having dinner with him and his ex-wife (something that was a bad idea in the first place). At the dinner she observed the formerly-married couple at each other’s throats, … Continue reading →

Blundering into Fights — And Getting Back Out

Do you ever sometimes feel like you’ve somehow stumbled into a fight and are not sure how it happened? When we go looking to pick fights we know what we’re up to, but sometimes it seems like all of a sudden we’re fighting with someone and we’re not exactly sure how it happened. This can happen between any two people but it’s certainly common in a marriage, just given that married couples are two people who spend so much time together. The silver lining of picked fights is that, although when we go looking to start one we’re not exactly … Continue reading →