Family Relationships and Attitude

by Mary Ann Romans | More from this Blogger

25 Feb 2009 11:04 AM

Extended family is always going to be part of your married life. Even if you are no longer in contacted with your extended family, they will always be there in the form of influence over you and your spouse. These are the people that helped form your young lives, and their dynamics will definitely mold your beliefs.

One of these beliefs is an attitude toward family and the roles that the in-laws take. When you became a daughter-in-law or son-in-law where you immediately part of the family and treated as a natural child? Or, are you family but more at a respected distance?

The way I was raised, family is family, whether natural born or married into. That means that I consider my in-laws as I would my natural parents. Although I may not have grown up with them, they are afforded the same love, respect and support that I would show my own parents. But other families have different attitudes. I'm not saying that they are better, just different.

A long time ago I was in a relationship with a wonderful man. When his father fell ill and was hospitalized, only immediate family was allowed to visit, according to the father's wishes. This means that his daughter-in-law (married to my mate's brother) was not allowed to visit. This was so hard for me to understand.

In comparison, I met my future mother-in-law for the first time when she was in triage at the hospital for a fall down the stairs. I was immediately accepted by the fact that I was in a relationship with her son. In this way, this family was a much better fit for me.

This is just one example of how attitudes toward extended family can really affect your marriage. Had I married into that first family, it could have caused many an argument between myself and my spouse. He wouldn't understand why I expected him to be there for my family and I wouldn't understand why he expected me to stay away from his.

Mary Ann Romans writes about everything related to saving money in the Frugal Blog, creating a home in the Home Blog, caring for little ones in the Baby Blog and now relationships in the Marriage Blog. You can read more of her articles by clicking here.

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Learn more about Mary Ann Romans

Mary Ann Romans is a freelance writer, wife and mother of three children. She lives in Pennsylvania with her husband, the kids and a 16-pound cat.

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