Family Matters: Marriage Thicker Than Blood?

by Courtney Mroch | More from this Blogger

14 Jul 2008 03:19 PM

How devoted are you to your partner really? Devoted enough that if, for whatever reason, you had to choose between your husband/wife and your own family you'd choose your spouse?

"Why on earth would I have to choose between the two, Courtney?" you may be wondering. "Surely nothing could be that bad it couldn't be worked out."

Sadly, sometimes things are that bad. Sometimes things just can't be worked out. For instance, sometimes a parent opposes a match so fiercely they throw down an ultimatum: marry him/her and I'll never speak to you again.

When my mom was living with us, I was reminded about a story I'd forgotten: the rocky start of my parents' marriage.

My mom's version of the legend is that my dad's mom did not approve of her. Supposedly because she was of Hispanic origin and my Grandma Mroch had in mind a nice Polish girl for her Ralphie. According to my mom, my dad's parents didn't attend their wedding, and neither did his sister who was awarded a new car for being a no-show.

My dad has a great memory, but he pleads the fifth when I ask him about his version of events. He does admit my mom never got along with his mom, though.

Falling outs can happen for all sorts of reasons. In my parents' case ethnicity was a factor. Religion is another that causes a lot of rifts. Believing someone's a deadbeat, or maybe a cheater or addict of some kind can also cause bad blood.

In the beginning of my relationship with Wayne, my mom wasn't too crazy about the match because of the age difference. She allowed the summer romance but demanded an end to it once school started.

We defied her wishes and kept seeing each other, much to my mom's chagrin. But in time she saw instead of being a detriment, my relationship with Wayne was loaded with benefits. I went from being an A/B student with an occasional C thrown in to getting straight As. I was more responsible with chores around the house. Heck, I was more responsible in general.

It never got to the point where I had to choose one over the other. Nor did it ever after we were married. And Wayne's never faced any grief from his side about me either.

I don't know what he would've done, but if anyone in my family ever made the mistake of giving me such an ultimatum, I'd choose my husband. I'd have to. When I said my wedding vows I pledged my devotion to Wayne. In my mind that trumps my familial bloodline, because regardless whether we have kids or not, we're creating a new bloodline, a new family. One that is my main priority and focus.

Question to Readers

Have you ever been forced to choose?

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Learn more about Courtney Mroch

Courtney Mroch is a wife, a proud pet parent, and a writer. She's been with her husband, high school sweetheart Wayne Pryor, over 20 years, married 11 of those. She's "mom" to Mr. Meow, a.k.

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Beth McHugh (13216) 14 Jul 2008 04:58 PM

Hi Courtney, when it comes down to the wire, the partnership bond needs to be one that is given precedence. Trying to please both parties results in unhappiness, and ultimately the parents need to respect the decision of their adult child as regards their choice of partner, even if it is the wrong one. Great article!

Jade Walker (964) 14 Jul 2008 06:54 PM

I once read a beautiful wedding vow in a novel by Diana Gabaldon:

"Ye are Blood of my Blood, and Bone of my Bone. I give ye my Body, that we Two might be One. I give ye my Spirit, 'til our Life shall be Done."

If you're willing to marry someone, and spend the rest of your life with him/her, that should be the kind of oath you make. So of course the spouse would win out over any family objections.

Courtney Mroch (9169) 14 Jul 2008 08:13 PM

Thanks so much for sharing your insights, Beth and Jade. It's neat to read why you agree as well. And Jade...love that vow. How romantic!

Dale Harcombe (10399) 14 Jul 2008 11:49 PM

I never had to make the choice thankfully. But my husband is the one I am committed to for life. That's the bond and commitment that must take priority. Even after children arrive, the best thing we can do as husband and wife is love each other and put each other first.

Courtney Mroch (9169) 15 Jul 2008 08:38 AM

Yes, thankfully, Dale. And the rest of your comment shows why you and your DH have been together for how long now?? Like 40 years? (I think somewhere you once mentioned how long it'd been and it'd been a good while. Understandable with your level of devotion!)