Search Results for: blog expectations of marriage

Lowering Expectations in a Marriage

There is a fine line between learning to lower your expectations in a marriage and when to fight for what’s “right.”  Keep in mind that what’s considered right is all about perspective. Your right might not be my right…just as your spouse’s right might not be your right. One of the ways I try to gauge my “rights” is by how critical the issue really is; not how important it should be or I would like it to be.  But looking at it in a realistic and selfless manner. That isn’t easy, believe me.  It requires stepping back from the … Continue reading →

The Difference Between Friendship and Marriage

Sometimes I wonder what the difference is between friendship and marriage.  Not casual friendship, or even good friendship, but really-close, best-friends, rely-on-each-other-for-everything friendship.  If we look to the media for answers, it seems to imply that the only difference is physical desire.  In movies and television, the only or at least primary distinguishable change in the relationship between two characters that are best friends, and then become something more, is that their relationship adds a sexual element. Those are usually my favorite types of stories (as opposed to ones where the characters aren’t friends but jump right to dating), only … Continue reading →

Commonsense Ways to a Happier Marriage

You will often hear about “secrets” to a happy marriage.  Personally, I don’t believe there is anything secret about having a happy marriage. Most of what it takes is well known.  In other words, we know what to do to have a happier marriage.  The key is choosing to do those things. So instead, let’s look at some old-fashioned commonsense ways to keep the marriage happy.  We start with the understanding that your spouse will never be perfect. Now most of us probably don’t really think that our spouse should be perfect.  Yet we place expectations that are oftentimes unrealistic.  … Continue reading →

Does Marriage Really Change?

It wasn’t that long ago I was having a conversation with a woman who has been married for less than a year. We got on the topic of how marriage changes, something she didn’t quite believe. I remember being there. You think it will always be full of passion and you will always put each other’s needs first. Everything your spouse does is cute. Well here is the reality. It won’t always be full of passion because sometimes you will be exhausted at the end of a long day. You won’t always put your spouse’s needs first, especially when the … Continue reading →

What Makes a Marriage Work?

With so many marriages ending in divorce, it can leave you to wonder, “What makes a marriage work?” Now I am by no means an expert but I will very soon be celebrating 21 years of marriage, so hopefully I can provide at least some encouragement. Let me start off by saying this. I will never tell someone, “I have been happily married for 20 years.” That would be a lie. While there definitely has been more happiness than not, mixed in have been times where I wondered if we would make it. To pretend otherwise doesn’t really do any … Continue reading →

Quelling Irrational Romantic Expectations

I have a secret shame: sometimes I expect or want traditional fluffy romance from Jonathan. Yes, it’s a shocker, given how often I soap box against it. The thing is I shouldn’t be ashamed of these occasional urges. The mature response would be that, although most of the time it’s not something I consider necessary or even want, if I believe it’s valid for other people (which I do) I should have no problem accepting that it’s O.K. when I want it, too. I would feel that way if it wasn’t for the form in which these desires for traditional … Continue reading →

Friendship: the Foundation of Marriage

Last week my husband and I made cookies for breakfast. It is supposed to be healthier to eat a batch of cookies, or really any dessert, early in the morning rather than later at night. This way we have more time to burn off those extra calories. That’s not why we made them, though. We made them because the night before I’d experimented with making Pasta Puttanesca (not bad, though I think in the future I’d just swap the anchovies for tuna), and its smell still hung around the kitchen. I figured the best way to get rid of it … Continue reading →

Holidays, Travel, and Family Expectations

Holidays can be tricky for anyone, in any family situation. Married couples without kids, however, face a special conundrum: with whom to spend the day(s)? Again, this can be tough for anyone, but childless marrieds face a particular pressure: you don’t have kids, so it falls to you to drive sometimes long distances to attend the family get-together. Of course that returns us to the initial question: with whose family do we spend the holidays? We pick one side of the family for Thanksgiving and the other for Easter, because Jon’s parents and my parents live far enough away from … Continue reading →

Clear Expectations

Second marriages can be very rewarding, but it is no secret that second marriages are at a much higher risk of divorce than first marriages. That is a scary statistic for those of us that have been married before. The last thing we would ever want is for our children to go through the trauma of another divorce. So what can we do to help ensure that this marriage is more successful than the first? One of the most important things in a relationship is communication, we’ve all heard this a million times, but there is more to communication than … Continue reading →

No Expectations for Me on Valentine’s Day

Valentine’s Day is just around the corner. Are you already setting yourself up with certain expectations? Perhaps you have dropped some hints to your spouse or come right out and said what you would like. The thing with Valentine’s Day is that it can actually become very “me” focused when it is supposed to be about the one you love. When we think about this day where we celebrate love, we should be putting effort into how we can express it toward our spouse…not what they can do for us. Personally, I don’t make a very big deal about Valentine’s … Continue reading →