Don't Fall in Love with Potential

by Mary Ann Romans | More from this Blogger

10 Feb 2009 09:59 AM

Marriages are successful when two spouses love each other for who they are, not what they might become. But it is so easy to fall into a relationship where you love your partner for their potential not for who or what they are. While people should grow together and be more than they were when you met them, this way of being can end in marriage tragedy.

We have a family friend who is in a new relationship. The couple enjoys each other, and both partners are bright, intelligent and caring people. The problem here is that in some areas, each person wants different things for the future, and they both seem confident that the other person will come around to their thinking and change to be the person that fulfills the dream. In other words, the fit isn't perfect, but they have confidence that it is good enough.

Furthermore, the areas in which they think differently can become major issues in a marriage. While the couple is not yet engaged, some time has passed and they both seem to see marriage as the next logical step.

Now, this is where it gets sticky. No one should expect their partner to be perfect. We all have things about our spouses that we might have liked to be different. But if you fall in love with someone's potential, you'll always be unsatisfied. The other person may not want to be what you want him or her to be. People only change because they want to, not because you want them to, no matter how much you love them or they love you.

The key here is to look at those points, areas or personality traits that don't work for you. Are they things that you can live with? Are you willing to change yourself to accept them? If the answer is no, then maybe this isn't the person you should spend the rest of your life with. I know this type of decision is easier said than done, especially when you love someone.

What do you think?

Mary Ann Romans writes about everything related to saving money in the Frugal Blog, creating a home in the Home Blog, caring for little ones in the Baby Blog and now relationships in the Marriage Blog. You can read more of her articles by clicking here.

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Seven Habits That Will Harm Your Marriage

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Learn more about Mary Ann Romans

Mary Ann Romans is a freelance writer, wife and mother of three children. She lives in Pennsylvania with her husband, the kids and a 16-pound cat.

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