Do You Hate Telling Your Spouse No?

by Heather Long | More from this Blogger

It doesn't matter what the question is, but more often as not, when we have to tell our spouse no, we don't like having to do it. It may be no I don't have enough time to run that errand for you or no we don't have enough money to buy a new washer, we'll just have to settle for fixing the old one. Or even worse, no we can't go to that event or this one because we've got other obligations here or there.

Saying No is Hard

When you're the one to say no - you feel like the bad guy - even when what you're saying no about is something you really don't want to do or really can't afford to do. Whatever the reason or the cost, no is the most honest and legitimate of answers.

No one wants to feel like the bad guy. In fact, there have been times when my husband and I have found ourselves at odds because one or the other of us has ended up being the bad guy. So here's something worth thinking about, it's okay to say no.

Repeat after me: It's okay to say no.

It's okay to tell your spouse no and it's okay for your spouse to tell you no. You see, no is part of communication. No is a part of the way we communicate when something doesn't work for us or when we genuinely can't do something. If we say yes, when what we really want to say is no - then we're creating a situation where it will be ripe with resentment.

Resentment, as we all know, takes time to build up and fester, but before you know it - it can erupt into a full on conflict between you and your spouse. Saying no shouldn't make you feel bad or like a bad guy - it should make you feel honest and truthful and in many ways, you can be avoiding a conflict further down the road that will be far more uncomfortable than just saying no.

When Your Spouse Says No

Here's another important tip, when your spouse says no - don't make them feel bad. Assume good intentions and ask for their reasons. Chances are, they have good ones, but don't just dismiss their reasons out of hand or assume that your reasons are better. Think about how you feel when you have to say no and imagine, for just a moment, that your spouse probably feels the same way.

You can go a long way towards avoiding conflicts with your spouse if the two of you assume good intentions and listen when one or the other of you has to say no. It's also important to not make your spouse feel bad when they have to say no. They aren't enjoying the experience anymore than you do when you have to say it - so don't make it hard for each other. Saying no isn't easy and it's not fun - it's also not a reason to argue and fight with each other.

Do you have a hard time saying no to your spouse?

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Learn more about Heather Long

Heather Long is 35 years old and currently lives in Wylie, Texas. She has been a freelance writer for six years. Her husband and she met while working together at America Online over ten years ago.

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