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Finding Inspiration from Valentine’s

It’s another Valentine’s Day.  I’m not sure what Jonathan and I are going to do this year; last year I wrote about how we’ve rarely, if ever, celebrated the holiday.  He doesn’t even need to find me any candy hearts, because the box he bought me last year was so big I still have some left over. This year, I do kind of feel inspired to do something special for him.  However, I’m not sure if I actually want to do it on Valentine’s Day.  I’m still not sure that I like the idea of one day set aside for … Continue reading →

January Check In: New Year’s Resolutions in Marriage

It’s time to check in and see how you are doing on your New Year’s resolutions. Did you make any resolutions in the area of your marriage? If you didn’t, I strongly encourage you to do so. Call them resolutions, goals or whatever you like…all of us could take steps to improve our marriages. In fact, this is my challenge for me and you the reader. Think of one thing you can do in the upcoming month to make your marriage better. Is there something that you know drives your spouse crazy that you could stop doing? Is there something … Continue reading →

Do You Interrupt Your Spouse?

“It was 1982, and we had just moved to California,” Joe begins. “We bought a house …” “It was 1983,” Betty interrupts. “It was right after your knee surgery.” “Okay, it was 1983. Anyway, we were going out to dinner at this great steak house …” “Actually, we were eating Italian,” Betty interrupts again. “Remember, that spaghetti was way overcooked.” “So, we’re at dinner, and my friend Bob said—” “We weren’t at dinner with Bob. It was Rex and Sue.” Have you ever heard something like this – one spouse is trying to tell a story, and the other keeps … Continue reading →

Privacy vs. Secrecy: How to Foster Intimacy in Your Relationships

Information really is power; how, what, and when to share can have a far-reaching impact on our ability to foster intimacy in our relationships. It is almost a rite of passage, for instance, for a new couple to explore one another’s past—first loves, first kisses, and even the first big heartbreak. These conversations both require and build a significant level of trust, as they reveal how we act and react at our most vulnerable moments. So what does it mean when your partner refuses to share? It can mean many things; the problem, of course, is that we often assume … Continue reading →

An Alternative to Nagging

‘There are always two possibilities.’ Mick isn’t ‘well at present and so we sat down yesterday to watch a movie and this was the recurring theme. The movie was Me and the Colonel, an old one with Danny Kaye. For a while the colonel could only ever see one possibility, but eventually he realized his companion was right, as time and time again he found a way out of trouble. There are always two possibilities. It’s the same in marriage. We can react to something that displeases us by nagging or we can choose not to. A better option is … Continue reading →

When A Pregnancy Announcement Causes Negative Reactions

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I’ve spent the last hour reading first hand accounts from women who have large families about the negative feedback they have received from family and friends when sharing the news of a pregnancy. Can you imagine telling your mother-in-law you are pregnant with your fourth child, only to have her refuse to speak to you for months? Imagine hiding your pregnancy until it’s impossible to conceal because you’re dreading the negative comments. These scenarios have happened to real women. I even encountered one story in which a woman did not tell her mother-in-law about her eighth child until the day … Continue reading →

The Glue That Holds Marriage Together

Sure love and sex and all those other things we’ve talked about are important but there’s one thing that is vital. Communication- I know it’s something I talk about often in connection with marriage. Communication is vital before marriage and once we are married. It’s really the glue hat keeps a marriage together. If you can’t talk, and really talk, to your marriage partner about anything and everything then it makes for a difficult situation. We all want someone who accepts us as we are and who understands us. That someone should be the person we’re married to. We should … Continue reading →

Pregnancy and Relationships: Friends

An interesting phenomenon happens when a woman announces her pregnancy to her friends. Some will be genuinely excited. Some will experience heartbreak in the midst of infertility. Some will feel jealous if they have not yet reached the “baby stage” of life and would like to. Some may not feel much of anything. When a friend experiences anything other than genuine excitement, the potential for drama arises. Add some pregnancy hormones into the mix and you have recipe for disaster, but no relationship has to be doomed because there is a baby on the way. Pregnancy can cause heartbreak between … Continue reading →

Marriage Essentials

Do you want to know four essentials for a good marriage? Here they are: Encouragement This quality cannot be stressed enough. One of our adult offspring once said, ‘you and Dad always encouraged me in whatever I did. You made me believe I could do anything I set my mind to.’ While I was pleased to hear that, I also thought that’s the sort of encouragement each of us needs to be for our spouse. We need to be behind them in whatever they do encouraging them every step of the way, whether it’s changing jobs or learning a new … Continue reading →

How to Say No

As I mentioned earlier, I’m feeling bad about having said no to a few commitments this week. I love my friends, and enjoy helping them, and don’t like to feel like I’m letting them down. But sometimes, you just have to say no. Sometimes you’re over-committed, sometimes it’s just something you don’t want to do, sometimes you just can’t fit it into your schedule. Still, all those reasons don’t necessarily make it any easier to say no — especially when it’s a friend doing the asking. Here are some tips to help make it a little easier to say no. … Continue reading →