Creating A Safe Environment for Conflict

by Heather Long | More from this Blogger

21 Oct 2006 06:00 PM

This may sound a little odd, but your marriage should be a place where you can create a safe environment for conflict. Arguments in marriage are not necessarily a bad thing. When a married couple argues, they are demonstrating their passion, their need for change and their ability to communicate. Conflict and arguments in a marriage can be very healthy for the couple. When you and your spouse participate in healthy conflict, you can actually build a respectful and loving partnership that is based on communication and passion.

How Do We Do That?

This is a question we have to ask, because just saying that conflict is healthy is not the same as explaining how to create healthy conflict. It's not about the conflict itself, but the environment and the people who are involved in the conflict.

• First and foremost, we need to create an environment that is safe for issues to be addressed and worked through in
• Establish that the goal is about a positive income for both partners and not about winning for one or the other
• Establish that you want to use the healthy conflict to create a long-term and secure relationship between you and your spouse
• Acknowledge that conflict handled well can increase your connection to your spouse
• Acknowledge that holding it all in or avoiding conflict can lead to a lack of control
• Acknowledge that conscious conflict and healthy conflict can lead to compromise, peaceful resolution and empowerment

It's important to recognize that when you establish rules for conscious conflict, you are consciously avoiding labeling your disagreements as fights. Think about what the rule of a fight is. A fight is messy, it's violent, and it involves injury and blood. A fight is about survival, it's about overcoming disaster and fear. A fight is not what you want to have with your spouse - but a conflict, a conscious conflict is something you can exert control over and you can control your natural responses to it.

So make your marriage a safe environment for a conflict and consciously control your conflicts. When you do this, your protect your marriage and make it healthier.

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Learn more about Heather Long

Heather Long is 35 years old and currently lives in Wylie, Texas. She has been a freelance writer for six years. Her husband and she met while working together at America Online over ten years ago.

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