Coping With Unfulfilled Needs in Marriage

by Ariala | More from this Blogger

05 Jan 2006 08:50 PM

No matter who you talk to, at one time or another, all of us have experienced that feeling that our needs aren't being met. Whether those needs are physical, psychological, or spiritual, unfulfilled needs are very real.

Unfulfilled needs plague people from all walks of life. The rich as well as the poor experience it. Religious people as well as secular people experience it. Children as well as adults complain about it. So what is this thing inside of us that makes us long for something more, and how do we handle it in a marriage situation?

First of all, it's important to realize that as humans we're not perfect and can often times be challenged with our own human nature that demands more. This often leads us to think another person can fill the needs that only we ourselves must fill. Until a person feels whole with who they are, he or she cannot feel whole with another person.

When we view marriage as a partnership of two wholes, rather than two halves looking to be made whole, we begin to find more satisfaction and completion in the relationship. However, it's true that at times an absentee husband or wife can make a hole in the marriage, and at this point, unfilled needs are felt even more strongly.

If you are content with yourself, but feel your spouse is not totally present emotionally or spiritually, causing a sense of emptiness and blah in the marriage, it's definitely time for a serious talk. Discuss expectations, desire, and what's missing. Have them express their side of the story, and what can be done to fill the void you both feel in the marriage.

It's important to remember to keep the communication lines open and to always approach sensitive topics with love and compassion, not resentment and blame. If you are feeling that the unmet needs in your relationship are overwhelming and that no matter what you say or do your spouse isn't being responsive, it may be time to take drastic measures. Counseling may be in order, as well as letting your spouse know that you cannot continue in a relationship where only you are participating.

If, on the other hand, your partner is willing to do their part and yet you still feel unfulfilled, the problem may lie with you, not your partner or the relationship. Are you suffering from low self-esteem? Do you have enough hobbies and things you enjoy alone or do you always have to have your partner or someone else around? Remember, until you feel whole as a person, you will not feel whole with someone else. Work on yourself and your life and you will find that you will have more to give to others.

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