06 Jan 2006 01:54 PM

Childless Couples

by Ariala | More from this Blogger

   

For many married couples, having children is something that they believe in and something they've always wanted, but for others, it's neither an option nor even a desire.

Some couples go into a marriage knowing one or both persons are unable to conceive. For others, the choice is not to have children. Is such a choice a bad thing?

There are many reasons not to have children, but even in today's society, it's not a popular choice. People who choose not to conceive or adopt may be viewed as selfish, yet one can build a case of selfishness against couples who have lots of children, yet can't even take care of them. Ultimately, no one has a right to judge a couple who decides not to bear children or adopt. Their reasons are personal and their own. Yet many struggle because it isn't the "norm."

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Childless couples have many advantages concerning their time. Many live very busy lives doing for others or running their own businesses and companies. Making a choice to not have children is often the best thing for them.

Sometimes you have women who feel they are not the nurturing type and husbands who feel they're not "dad material." Such couples usually know from an early age that their vocation in life is not to have children.

If you're a couple who has chosen not to have children, it's time you're acknowledged for it with firm congratulations to you. You've made the right choice for you. You have no one to answer to but each other, yet as you're probably aware, someone is bound to ask why. Because it's nobody's business, all you need to say is, "Because my spouse and I felt it was the best choice for us." If someone persists or tries to make you feel guilty, excuse yourself from the conversation. There's always one or two in the crowd who are too ignorant to understand, but remind yourself that your happiness is not in their hands, it's in your own.

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5 comments so far

blume10 (5) 17 Apr 2007 11:42 AM

My husband and I recently got married about 10 mo. ago. before we got married we discussed having children. Before we got married he said he would have 1 child (I was not 100% sure about having any). Than after another talk he decided that he didn't want any. He wants to be selfish and just be with me and travel. Which I like that he wants to spend time with me but I feel like when we are old who will care for us? Not that it's the only reason to have kids. I am so confused because everyone around me is having kids, but I don't have any maternal feelings.

BREEZE (5) 08 May 2007 07:40 AM

blume10 - How do you know for sure that if you even had kids that they would actually take care of you? I have a LOT of friends who find it much more sensible, convienent, socially acceptable and easier to either stick their parents in a nursing home - or even justify the "out of sight, out of mind" meaning, if they (the children) dont visit their parents, then they won't have to see them going down hill, "it's just too hard to watch" is their general response. Of course you will have some aging parents that are lucky enough to be cared for by their children in many different ways - I for one watched my folks help, care for and move into our home THEIR parents and it was shared responsibility with my parents siblings. However, I ALONE are taking care of my parents - where as my brother wont even visit, bring the grandchildren and the FEW times he has come during a severe illness or surgery or death of another family memember (twice) he would complain the entire time (which isnt even worth repeating). What i am saying is, my husband and I are childless - and so many people (who's parents are in nursing homes or just not taken care of) have ask us "Who will take care of you when you get sick or older?" And we simply reply "who takes care of your parents?"

Yunakitty (50) 18 Mar 2008 09:52 AM

My husband and I are childless by choice, and to those who say "But who will take care of you when you're old?" I usually tell them something similar to Breeze's response. Also, if you are childless, you can put all the money you would spend on kids into savings, and you can live in a really nice retirement community when you get old.

drjc (5) 07 May 2008 05:17 AM

Not a very rational comment - just another selfish reason to have children. So you are going to bring a life into this world so someone will take care of you when you are older? Someone you can live vicariously through possibly? As a matter of opinion....I ask the very same question back to those who choose to continue to over populate the world due to their own narcissitic needs, drives and fears. If you really want to make a difference in this world them let's take care of the children that are already here - fostering, adopting, etc..... We have thousands of unwanted and uncared for children in foster care right now so should we not first start there? There are many ways to help make our world a better place to live in - continuing to over populate the world is not one of them. Continuing to have children is more selfish then not in this day and age and I think people who choose not to have children should be respected for their decsion. I do not have children but have spent much time in my profession as a Psychologist working with children from distruptive and abusive families who otherwise would have beocome another statistic. Had I had my own children I never would have been able to get my Ph.D or build and run my own practice or work those loooong hours and touch the lives of the many children that I have provided services to. So in that sense not having children was anything but selfish as it allowed me to make a difference on a larger scale.

barbara419 (5) 13 May 2008 06:14 AM

my husband and I are childless not by choice. we have been through the gamut of treatments and possible adoptions and fostering. what we want to do is be able to help our church family and friends with budgeting monthly expenses, but are met with opposition because we don't have kids. we have been blessed financially, and even though childless, we still have a lot of expenses like other families do. we have always had a 'knack' for budgeting and feel that God is leading us in the direction to help others. any suggestions will be greatly appreciated! good to be here!! barbara

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