Causes of Dry Spells

by Courtney Mroch | More from this Blogger

03 Mar 2008 12:16 PM

Lately I've been navigating completely unfamiliar territory: lack of interest in nookie. It's kind of freaking me out, because nookie has always been one of my favorite pastimes.

I've been trying to hide it from Wayne, but it's becoming more and more obvious. I've refrained from saying anything to him about it because I didn't want him to think he's part of the problem. Far from it. His sex appeal's still as appealing as the first day I met him.

No, it's just that the thought of lighting his fire, my fire, our fire seems like too much kindling to have to haul around these days.

This weekend we had to have a talk because I kept shunning all of his overtures and advances, which is not like me at all. He wanted to know what he was doing wrong, because it seemed like he was making me mad.

I was mad, but he wasn't making me mad. I was mad that the thought of having to "perform" was making me mad.

Perform.... Now there's an interesting word choice for you. I've never felt like that when it comes to nookie before. I've always looked forward to it. But anymore it almost seems like one more thing to be done, one more chore to fulfill.

And that's so frustrating. But not as frustrating as learning that this is a normal part of the aging process.

What? Aging?! That certainly didn't help matters to learn I'm rapidly advancing out of my "dirty thirties" and into... What? Some kind of nookie-less void?

I want my sex drive back!

But in order to get it I have to figure out what's depleting it. Here are some factors that may be to blame:

• Hormones

• Stress

• Weight Gain

• Prescribed drugs

• Drug abuse

• Alcoholism

• Depression

• Post-baby coolness

• Anxiety

• Living conditions (i.e. can't get time away from the kids, or living with parents or in-laws)

I believe the first three are interfering with my sex drive. (Dang it!) Knowing that helps though. It's the first step in reclaiming my sex life!

Courtney Mroch writes about animals great and small in Pets and the harmony and strife that encompasses married life in Marriage. For a full listing of her articles click here.

Learn more about Courtney Mroch

Courtney Mroch is a wife, a proud pet parent, and a writer. She's been with her husband, high school sweetheart Wayne Pryor, over 20 years, married 11 of those. She's "mom" to Mr. Meow, a.k.

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OneRedHotMarriage (12) 03 Mar 2008 06:37 PM

Courtney, I understand your frustration. Please know you're not alone. I went through this for a few years. We finally found that my hormone levels were very seriously out of whack. Have you read the book by Suzanne Somers called 'The Sexy Years'? While I can't endorse everything in the book it is one resource that got me moving in the right direction back to a great sex life! Best Wishes, Amber

Jade Walker (964) 03 Mar 2008 06:46 PM

Have you considered getting more sleep? Or exercising a little bit more? That might help. I also suggest scheduling a little alone time. Pleasure yourself. Doing so will boost your libido and ease your need to focus on "performing."

Courtney Mroch (9169) 04 Mar 2008 08:18 AM

Jade and Amber, thanks for your understanding and suggestions. I will check out that book. Thanks for that great tip! And, yes, I desperately need to exercise more. I do believe that's a huge problem. And a little more sleep probably wouldn't hurt me either...nor would a little alone time. ;) Thanks for the compassion girls!