A Completely Changed Lifeby Dale Harcombe | More from this Blogger 06 Jan 2009 05:13 PM
After reading some of the forum posts by tmwhalens, I thought I'd share a story of lives and one marriage that has had more than the usual problems and every day hassles to overcome. Ron Brookman says when he first married he says 'it was for all the wrong reasons.' It was more about keeping up appearances and trying to subvert and hide his homosexuality. Ron had two children with his first wife. The marriage was dysfunctional and unhappy. After she left him, from time to time he visited places in search of a homosexual relationship. This was despite the fact he was a minister and the conflict within him self that told him homosexuality was not consistent with Biblical teaching. In 1990 he listened to John White - a Christian psychiatrist speaking about sexual sins. After this he began to meet regularly with a pastor and so began a journey of healing and transformation. In 1994 he married his second wife. Yet it was not an honest beginning to the marriage as fearing rejection he never told her about his past. His wife, Ruth considers it was a 'dishonoring' of her and 'a breach of trust.' It was a couple of years later before he admitted the truth about himself and his past. Understandably they both had to rethink their whole marriage situation. She loves him and has stood by him as he faced rejection by some people, when news of his past became public. Because of her experience Ruth is able to help other women who find themselves in a similar situation. She believes Ron is totally a changed man and will not be unfaithful to her or revert to his past lifestyle. They have learned she says, to be very open and transparent in their relationship. Ron and Ruth are the parents of 3 children together. This couple ultimately found that honesty and openness has helped them overcome the problems and brought a pace to their marriage. She no longer feels he is hiding something from her. Please visit these related blogs Marriage is a Commitment Honesty- The Double Edged Sword Do Some People Change After Marriage? Learn more about Dale Harcombe  Dale has a passion for books and writing. She writes in various forms, from articles to poetry to fiction for children and adults. Relevantmarriage tags User Comments  mcmama (51978) 07 Jan 2009 04:21 PMOne of the problems I have with most ex gay ministries is that they concentrate on aversion, and ignore the spouse. It sounds like this minister has embraced a total awareness of manhood, male sexuality in all the variety it can be present in, and committed himself to a wife. My question would be, for his wife, how much of their married life is about her, and how much of it is centered on making him the person he wants to be? A number of people who "change" actually have been bisexual all along, and are able to form these decisions to stick with one person. Sexuality is not a complete clean duality of gay/straight - many people have something else mixed in due to their lifetime experiences and don't have the typical politically correct version of "always knowing they were gay". Sexual wholeness is not dependent on a partner. It has to stand on its own. mcmama (51978) 07 Jan 2009 04:23 PMWhat Ron and Ruth have in common with many couples who stay married despite mixed orientation is honesty, openness, transparency, and trust. Sadly, when a ministry is all about making someone ungay, those qualities are overlooked. Good for them! tmwhalens (275) 07 Jan 2009 06:44 PMAt this time I do not know how much (how many) of my experiences with men were because I was/am (still not sure) bisexual, and to what degree it might have been caused by not having a father figure growing up that actually spent time with me (instead of always working). For whatever reason when I am around men I do feel an attraction (or it may be an unsettling of sorts because of 'experiences' with them), but I am mainly (or totally?) attracted to women. The one thing I know for sure is that I did not have a father, while growing up, that was a friend or spent any real amount of time with me. And, I do think that had an impact on my perception of (or lust for) men from that point going forward. But as I have learned more about this and came to an understanding that I can still BE a man and function as a husband, father and spiritual beacon of sorts, that attraction for the male figure has begun to dim.  Dale Harcombe |
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