Search Results for: blog 10 things i love about marriage

Debt and Marriage: How It is Tough to Love When You Owe

Many couples enter into a marriage with debt already in hand. Others accumulate debt together. Either way, nurturing a loving relationship can be hard when debt is hanging over your head. In fact, according to a study by Jeffrey Dew at Utah State University, couples who reported disagreeing about finance once a week were over 30 percent more likely to get divorced than couples who reported disagreeing about finances only a few times a month. Another inference can be made from this study: there is a whole lot of disagreement about money out there. Debt is a source of contention. … Continue reading →

Are There Such Things as Wifely Duties?

Yesterday a volunteering friend used the phrase “wifely duties.”  She did so somewhat in jest, but the phrase stuck with me.  I certainly think that I have duties to Jonathan, but I shudder at calling them wifely duties.  I don’t think these duties have anything to do with me being his wife, or rather, have anything to do with the fact that I’m the woman in the relationship. I’d like the phrases “spousal duties” or “partnerly duties,” better (if the latter was a real word).  I have certain duties to Jonathan because I am married to him, but gender roles … Continue reading →

The Difference Between Friendship and Marriage

Sometimes I wonder what the difference is between friendship and marriage.  Not casual friendship, or even good friendship, but really-close, best-friends, rely-on-each-other-for-everything friendship.  If we look to the media for answers, it seems to imply that the only difference is physical desire.  In movies and television, the only or at least primary distinguishable change in the relationship between two characters that are best friends, and then become something more, is that their relationship adds a sexual element. Those are usually my favorite types of stories (as opposed to ones where the characters aren’t friends but jump right to dating), only … Continue reading →

Generational Differences in Marriage Dynamics: Cooking

Due to all of my volunteering, I spend a lot of time each week with people who are more in my parents’ generation than mine. That’s normal enough; once we graduate and enter the work force, our pool of peers naturally expands beyond our age group. I have no problem with this most of the time, but once in a while I feel our generational difference, and that usually relates to our views on marriage. My friends don’t have extremely different views on marriage than me; they’re certainly not the types who think their husbands rule the roost. I don’t … Continue reading →

Why Marriage Keeps Your Brain Healthy

The next time your spouse drives you absolutely crazy, keep in mind that he, or she, is probably helping to keep your brain healthy. That is because the challenges that our spouses give us, along with the love and support, may actually be protecting our brains. In fact, according to a recent study, sharing a life with another person means that we are less likely to develop cognitive impairment than single people who are not married. The study took place in Scandinavia and included 1,400 men and women. Married people are simply less likely to develop dementia than single people. … Continue reading →

Accepting the Things You Cannot Change

“God, grant me the serenity to accept the things I cannot change, the courage to change the things I can, and the wisdom to know the difference.” We’ve all heard the serenity prayer countless times throughout our lives. I’ve loved these beautiful words from the first time that I heard them; putting them in to practice, however, is another matter entirely. After my divorce I felt completely helpless. I felt as if I had lost everything that night. I lost my home, my husband, my source of income, and my dream of having a family. No matter what I did … Continue reading →

Finding Your Identity in Your Marriage

I never thought much about my life growing up. At times in my adult life when I’ve considered getting married, having kids, I didn’t have anything but my own thoughts at that time to rely on. It’s strange because I’m an obsessive planner for short-term details, but I can’t think of any point in my life when I’ve had a vision for the future. As a kid I always had dreams of what I wanted to be when I grew up: veterinarian, zoologist, reporter for National Geographic Magazine, but those were always just fleeting childhood whimsies. I never pictured myself … Continue reading →

Choosing to Love

Is it really possible to fall out of love? While most would probably say yes, I tend to have a different philosophy on this. Love comes in one of two ways. One is naturally, such as the love a mother feels when she holds her child in her arms for the first time. Despite the fact she has known this person for a few seconds, there is a natural love that flows out. Then there is love that develops over time. When I first met my husband I didn’t feel instant love for him. But it did begin to form … Continue reading →

Friendship: the Foundation of Marriage

Last week my husband and I made cookies for breakfast. It is supposed to be healthier to eat a batch of cookies, or really any dessert, early in the morning rather than later at night. This way we have more time to burn off those extra calories. That’s not why we made them, though. We made them because the night before I’d experimented with making Pasta Puttanesca (not bad, though I think in the future I’d just swap the anchovies for tuna), and its smell still hung around the kitchen. I figured the best way to get rid of it … Continue reading →

Remarriage

I would like to be married again. I don’t often say that because I don’t want people to look at me with that pitying look. No, I’m not miserable and lonely but I would like someone to share my life with, someone to hold my hand and talk about the day. I’m sure I look at remarriage through rose colored glasses, the same way I looked at marriage once upon a time when I didn’t know how very wrong things could go. Now that I’m older, I wonder what exactly it means to be married now. When you are young … Continue reading →